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| With these weeping eyes
I stare at the lines
blurred...
scattered...
the words are meshed together
Blotted...
Formed by the tears that fall
I look up and see an image
reflected...
distorted...
broken...
tattered...
what am i?
How is it that i can destroy this
How can i ruin something so simple
with three simple words, i built it
I love you
With five, i walked awa
Im done with the pain
Can my life continue?
Why does this day continue?
Will it ever end?
Do the tears ever end?
Or am i stuck with this blotted paper
the remains,
of a sweet love letter | | |
| Well, things seem to be turning around for me. Found this girl thats amazing, and rox my sox off. Spent some time with the "gang", in which i was reminded that calling ourselfs the "gang", makes us like scooby doo. "Ruh roh"
Im enrolled at butler, so im here for 1 semiester for sure, and im not sure what next. Depending on what happens with jobs, and people, and relationships, things could change, and i could move... it al depends on whats provided, etc.
So, whats new? Ive moved on, to better things, with better people, who will in turn make me more of a better person. Im tired of feeling like the shithole of the universe, its time for me to have an ego, bitches.
-Chris | | |
| So it ends. Two years worth of being gutted, skinned, battered and deepfried. Such a fucking ungrateful immature failure, shouldnt really be missed. And shes not.
I did love her, whole heartedly. I just woke up, and said fuck it. I cant continue to love someone who doesnt love me. So i dont. Not in the least. Shes an absolute peice of shit to me.
For those that think this is SO WRONG, then whatever. You dont know me. I am bittersweet in a relationship. If you treat me with respect, as i do you, then its obviously more sweet than bitter. But for those that have any doubt about how tart my attitude can be, heres your standing proof.
You know, i never thought i would see the day that my older sister would back down from helping me. How many times with a broken back would i carry her? How many tears would i shed so she wouldnt have to? How many times have i laid awake at night as she stayed in jail? How many times people? Or does that not even fucking matter. Immature? Whatever. You have this fucking parental complex. This isnt your situation, stop pointing fingers, because you are just as bad as kiah and zane. I dont need bullshit like that clogging my life. Dont call, dont write, dont even acknowledge my birthday. Dont even bother replying to my xanga. I want you gone.
So whats the plan? College. Success. Progress. I already have my eye on another girl, who seems quite promising. Moreso that shawna ever was.
To all of my friends: You know me, you know my number. Give me a call, i have plenty of free time. I usually work days, ranging between 6AM to 3PM, no set schedual yet. School when it starts will be at night, mainly between tuesday and thursday, if my schedual goes through. Tell me to come hang out with you!
This chapter of my life isnt closed, it was doused with lighter fluid, and only charred remains exist.
-Chris | | |
| If i could tear my skin away,
Would it shed the person ive become?
Or would it expose me for the beast i am.
Tourtured,
Demented,
Enslaved,
The taskmaster yells,
The whip cracks,
My body moves,
No questions asked.
No time for sleep,
No point in rest,
The dust consumes everything,
The air turns brown,
The sun glares down,
Scourching my back.
How did i get here?
I volunteered...
Why? Why would i do this?
Because I ...
Is that a reason? Does that make it right?
Its the truth...
How do you know? Are you just lying?
If it wasnt, would i be here?
You are pathetic.
I am devoted....
If i could tear out my heart,
Would it stop beating?
Would it make me feel less?
Or make me more heartless than ive already become?
Will you ever help with the tasks?
No, the burden is yours.
What of your own burden?
I have none, yours are greater.
Why are they greater? Who says they are?
I do...
What of the wrong doings done to me?
They dont amount...
At all? Do they not mean anything?
No...
Will i ever be your equal?
If i will stop fearing you...
Fear? How can you fear what you control?
Stripped of skin and heart,
Exposed flesh remains,
Branded and labled,
A victim of the named,
Shawna Marie Barr. | | |
| silentwang2001: you think youre tough shit dont you
paraDigmx88: ?
paraDigmx88: im sorry
silentwang2001: its jeff
paraDigmx88: i dont know who yo uare
paraDigmx88: oh
paraDigmx88: tough shit? For what?
silentwang2001: making all these threats against me and
not expecting to get your fucking ass handed to you
paraDigmx88: Threats?!
paraDigmx88: Please direct me to what threats you are
talking about.
silentwang2001: just leave shawna the fuck alone, she
wants nothing to do with you, and nothing will happen to
you ok?
paraDigmx88: Nothing will happen to me? For what?
silentwang2001: youre harrassing her
paraDigmx88: harassing?! Since when?
silentwang2001: since she decided to stop talking to
you, and asked you accordingly
paraDigmx88: If she has a complaint, then let her take it up
with me. I dont beleive you are one to make demends for
someone that is not a dependant of yours.
silentwang2001: she asks you every fuckign day to get
out of her life
paraDigmx88: And what 'would happen' to me?
silentwang2001: to stop talking to her
silentwang2001: and to stop talking to me
silentwang2001: its up to you chris.
paraDigmx88: If she has something to take up with me. Then
let her do it.
silentwang2001: harrassment is a crime
silentwang2001: and yes i know so are criminal threats
silentwang2001: i dont really care
paraDigmx88: Whats up to me? What choices are there for
me to make? and what do they lead to?
silentwang2001: well, if you leave her the fuck alone,
then everyone will be happy.
silentwang2001: well mebe not you...
silentwang2001: but who gives a shit
silentwang2001: if you dont,
silentwang2001: then i might just have to kick your ass
silentwang2001: and gabe's too
paraDigmx88: Kick my ass? And gabes?
silentwang2001: cause he'll prolly try to defend you like
everyones telling me he will
paraDigmx88: I see. Well. I beleive shawna and I's choices
are to me made my me and her. You will just have to live with
them.
silentwang2001: she made her choice
silentwang2001: and you refuse to comply with them
paraDigmx88: Let her speak. You arent her voice.
silentwang2001: she does chris
silentwang2001: every fucking day
paraDigmx88: Let her speak.
silentwang2001: did you not get that the first time i said
it
paraDigmx88: You cant demand that i leave her alone. She
has to demand such things. Let her do such if she wants it. She
told me she wanted to work things out. Through the past day,
she told me to give her some space. As of yet, she has not asked
me to leave her alone, or 'get out of her life'.
Auto response from silentwang2001: Your IM has
been sent to my mobile device. When I receive it, I will
be able to reply. Thanks for your IM! Want your IMs
forwarded to your phone? Click here
paraDigmx88: I see you went to a moble device.
silentwang2001: (RE Yea i restarted the comp
Interesting. I see a couple forming. Dont you?
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